Saturday, December 4, 2010

The strange case of the talking dog...

Today's post is on talking dogs. (Am I going nuts? Otherwise why should I write a post on talking dogs?) Dogs do not talk as a general rule. Pet lovers may argue that they can feel their dog talking to them when they look into the eyes.  I feel that is not true, no animal, let alone dogs, that I had ever come into contact seemed to be talking, the last one being a deep fried chicken wing that tried to flutter from my plate once, but that too never spoke to me... unless you consider that silent invitation that it gave from that roadside oven as talking.

So, let us go back to dogs! Dogs talk in fictional stories. Well, not as a general rule again, but usually they talks instead of barking. (That is what separates them from chicken wings, the deep fried ones especially. No chicken wing ever uttered a word even in a silly story. And I don't think much is written on deep fried chicken wings generally let alone them talking.) I don't have any idea why I always starts on talking dogs and ends in deep fried chicken wings.

Back to dogs!

A talking dog that had taken my fancy recently is Dogbert, Dilbert's anthromorphic (read 'talking' if you don't like long, complicated adjectives.) dog. Now if you don't know who Dilbert is, then I would advise you to have a piece of chicken wing, deep fried. (There I go again!) Not that you will know anything about Dilbert, the cubicle dwelling engineer, having a real trouble dealing with the corporate culture, by eating it, but you will be occupied for some time, at least till I get bored and end this ridiculous post, and you will not disturb me by asking such silly questions again.

Dogbert wants to conquer the world and enslave humans. But he is always kind to Dilbert and helps him out of troubles, especially from the pointy haired boss. In many strips Dogbert climbs the ladder of corporate success through his sheer rhetoric. (Read 'talking skill' if you don't like short but still complicated, difficult to pronounce words. See,how much considerate I am, of the readers who do not get head or tail of what I writes, even about the importance of deep fried chicken wings in today's chaotic universe.)

OK enjoy some Dogbert videos and strips, courtesy Scott Adams, the creator.



Check out some Talking dog jokes from internet. (I love google because whatever shit you type on it, it invariably generates some useful results.) All are copy pasted from random joke sites, so if you don't like the joke I am in no way responsible.

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever
sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when
I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the
CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from
country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders,
because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of
their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a
job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married,
had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruth!"

Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"

#3 (My favourite)

A man arrives at a cinema after the movie has already started. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seems to be enjoying it: wagging its tail in the happy bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits. After the movie, the man approaches the dog's owner, "Wow, mate, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I'm amazed!" Yes, so am I," came the reply. "He hated the book."


  1. Nice post.. Deep Fried Chicken Wing fluttering at you.. where did you get this insane idea.. too good...
    And Dogbert... One of the wittiest comic strip characters around!!!

  2. U been dreaming again have you

    he he heeh he Loved the jokes .. I wish i had a talking dog...

  3. Comic strips were interesting...Nice.

  4. Wonderful post! I'd heard of Dilbert but never read it; but I took your advice and instead of checking it out, I just ate a piece of chicken wings!!! :D

  5. LOL.. Nice Jokes :)

  6. used to love Dilbert but he got quite boring later on....the dog at the movie joke was great...thanks for adding to my laughter quotient... ;)