Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Breathless (a story in Beta version)

It was love at second sight for Ramesh, who was a graduate engineer from a reputed engineering college, where he got admission for the great relief of his parents, who were from a very lower middle class back ground and whose father Rupesh, being a low level clerk, had a small curve on spine caused by the sheer amount of paper work that he had to do, thanks to his vulnerability, which his colleagues took advantage of, dumping their work on his shoulders and his mother Sujatha, who was a secondary passed home maker, a beautiful woman who loved her family above all, and for Fatima, who was also another graduate from a different college, but from a better off household in the same city,whose father, Salaam
was a stout,  paan chewing, wealthy business man dealing with duty paid items from foreign countries and mother Aisha, a pretty and religious woman who also loved her family above all, their first meeting being on the previous day when they had to appear for a group discussion session for employment in a reputed firm and which due to their basic character differences turned out to be a full fledged war, as she a staunch feminist in her ideals and he an MCP, which, for the sake of ignorants  is the abbreviated form of Male Chauvinist Pig, eliminating the chances for both of them and helping a well behaved guy, Raju out of the clutches of poverty by getting him a job to maintain his family of four, thereby making both of them upset and sorry for losing a good opportunity and causing to go in two different directions to their respective homes, so that when they met second day unexpectedly in a bus stand, dejected and defeated, they didn't had words to tell and Ramesh kept his hands on his cheeks, near the lips were exactly during their first night after one year, two months and eight days Fatima will cause a small cut with her nails, which will remain there throughout his life till he died two days before his 68 th birthday and his body cremated and thereby destroying that last symbol of a love story and Fatima  placed her hands on her shoulder, the same shoulder that after five years of married life and bearing a cute looking healthy male child named Aman, that meant peace, who went on to become a cast out in his family and his society after his mother's violent death and his father's fall into drunkenness following it and eventually got himself into prison due to various acts of fraud, violence and by becoming a threat to national security by involving in militant activities, the same shoulder on which a sharpened sword fell to amputate the beautiful right hand which Ramesh used to hold with much love and affection often, the first time being the evening of the second day they met when they decided to live together their whole life whatever happens, although they were in no way to know that by touching their cheek or shoulder, may be they where setting a chain of events, extremely painful and eventful events to occur in their, their parent's and their kids life causing a trauma from which four individuals, their respective parents who blamed the young blood for everything and denying  their part in any way, were never able to get out, and THAT is the basic reason I will never blame Ramesh for inviting Fatima for a coffee and Fatima in accepting it...


Yes, my dear reader, I know after reading this post any one will hesitate to come here again, because what ever excuse of a story I tried to tell is unreadable, heavily cliched, incomplete in all aspects and pretty boring. In a blog I happened to see a contest for bizarre sentences, and after reading a couple of them I got this crazy thought stuck in my head, why not try to tell a whole story in a single sentence... I did not had any material to write this story but as I was impatient to try it out .. so just tried to put a beta version, mainly to test whether framing such a sentence is possible. And unfortunately you ended up reading it... Now 99% of you will read first two lines and leave it, I know, but if you where REALLY patient to read the whole stuff, can you tell whether you were able to make any head or tail of this tale?

8 comments:

  1. Rupesh, being a low level clerk, had a small curve on spine caused by the sheer amount of paper work that he had to do

    I liked this part of story. :)
    A unique attempt. :)

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  2. Well... it is a little difficult to understand for someone who has never read such a style before, because your story asks for more explanation.

    But I quite like the way you've written it... the meaning does come out :)

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Thanks Chandrika and Akansha for the kind words...

    @Akansha I had in mind a bigger story.. but i didnt wanted to turn off people by seeing the length..

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  5. Phew...lovely..very unique,at least i haven't seen such a style before

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  6. @black snow: Thanks for the visit buddy.. and also for the kind words.. please drop in soon..

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  7. That was great.. A novel way and refreshing too.

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  8. @priyanka: Thanks for the kind words

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