How to write a bestseller with minimal effort...

Recently I happened to read a wonderful blog post by my blogger friend, in which, after getting inspired by a German bestseller, she was planning to write a book on the life of a cleaning lady. After reading this one, I too felt a sudden urge to be an author of a best seller.

There are many advantages of being a best selling author. You can give your valuable (?) opinion on any matter below the sky- politics, terrorism, fashion, movies- you name it!... Whatever stupidity that you say will have a seal of authenticity. Press wallas will be anxiously waiting for any thing that falls from your lips, that can be put on front page and made a controversy of. Only skill you should have is to tell things that are shocking at face value and by which at least the sentiment of one national party or religion should get wounded. There will be much revolt and bashing against you on media and public, but there is no need to panic, because you will be safe behind the veil of "Freedom of Speech". 

Another best thing is that you can have your book made into a movie. Your celebrity status will touch the sky if it happens. And definitely that low-head who ventures to rewrite your master piece on to celluloid will take some liberties and you can sue him and his producer. Like, in your story, the hero will be riding a vintage Rolls Royce through the streets of Norwegia, but producer, unsuccessful to get hold of the former and unable to locate the latter on an atlas, decides to change it to a Volkswagen in Switzerland.  You can shout on the roof tops that your story is compromised and it is totally butchered. Even if this does not give you an immediate financial gain, because you will surely lose the verdict, as, any judge, who has at least a naya paisa worth grey  cells inside his head (and who is definitely not an avid reader of yours, like millions of like minded public with a sound intelligence), can see through your claim, it can give you much coverage in media and you can always don that victim look. 

But writing a book is not an easy task. It needs at least some minimum effort. From finding a topic, to finally getting a publisher, (this issue does not come if you have a best seller in your name already.) the energy, money and time to spent is huge. You can rent a ghost writer, but shouldering the weight of a ghost throughout your life is not an easy task. What if he blackmails later? (Most probably this will not happen, because if any one claims that he is behind that "obnoxious weed" of a novel, public will take care of him.)

Then I came upon this news story.  A professor in Britain, wrote this book titled, " What Every Man Thinks About Apart From Sex (Blank Inside)", which is 200 pages long, but totally blank! You are not surprised? OK, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking about Lajja (Shame)by Taslima Nasreen. To make record straight, let me clarify. It is not blank as that novel. This one is actually, totally white. Not even an ink stain in any of those 200 pages! The professor painstakingly researched for decades and finally came to the conclusion that men thinks of nothing apart from sex. So he went ahead and "wrote" this masterpiece, which became an instant hit through Monster.com. 

Now the easiest way to make some quick bucks is to translate this book into 56 other languages (like the advertisement for Paulo Coelho's Alchemist). But there is no scope here, because the author is translating the book himself to 56 other languages, with the help of Google translator and he says it is far more difficult than his research of two decades. (When the last update came he is working on 56th translation and plans to google search and find any other language is left.)

But I have certain topics that can be used for writing best sellers like this in an Indian context. "What politicians think, apart from Corruption" will be good for a start. Another one can be  "Harish's Mammoth list of sincere politicians". Equally profitable titles will be 

"Intelligent thoughts of Rakhi Sawant", 

"Aiswarya's Thought worthy quotes", 

"Acting techniques from Fardeen Khan"

"Success story of Piyush Chawla"

"Safe ways of travelling in Bangalore"

.... so on and so forth...